We are having our Thanksgiving Dinner tomorrow. DLJ's parents are arriving today. I need to go pick up my fresh turkey at some point, braving the supermarket. Luckily, that one thing is all I need to get, so I will go this morning and hopefully slip in and out without too much of a wait.
I hope the weekend goes well. DLJ's parents are nice but sometimes when folks visit I need time alone. Luckily I have my studio now, with the seperate entrance from the house. It might make a nice hidey hole if needed.
My brain has been churning for days. And it's shifting new wrinkles, new bumps. I'm starting to let go of this "churn to own" that I've been trapped in. DLJ and I decided not to get each other anything for Christmas. We will have a fixed, registered old car instead, and that's just fine with me. I don't need anything right now. There's things that might be nice to have, but I'm not upset to not have them, and I'm happy with what I DO have. I'm sure I will have moments of old cravings, look at all the glittery things in stores, want that, etc. And I might cave here and there, and that is ok. The goal isn't to NOT buy things…just more wisely, more based on what I need, or may want, instead of what everyone else has, what society tells me I need, what I can "create my personality" with for others to see.
I'm already more at peace. I really am. Things that others had that I wanted, I don't envy anymore, I don't want to be like them. Folks who I saw chasing the money, who really worked for money, accumulation of money, I envied their end result…but now I do not. I knew this about myself years ago when I said I wouldn't work to be the best, the richest, the top of my field…but would work well and strong to fund other things I wanted to do. I fell off the track, but I'm finding the popcorn trail in the woods to get back. All of it, from focusing more on my glass art, creating something real, to learning more about consumerism and how it is making our world sick at the expense of the environment of our planet and our brains and bodies. All I can do is change me. And plant seeds, and let go of the outcome. I'm working on it.
I'm very Thankful this year. Friends, family, shelter, freedom, love, and a brain that refuses to let me sit in a drugged stupor of items when there's a world out there to explore and connect with.