fiscally not conservative today.

Today the Portland Duran Duran tix go on sale. I told myself months ago when they did I'd go for the big tix. You can buy yourself into the first five rows, you see. The day is here, after more than half a year of knowing it was coming. DLJ isn't working, there's all that dental stuff, other things, property taxes are coming up…
The urge to NOT buy them is strong. But I really want to! I rarely buy big stuff, and I'm buying a memory, a fun time. I have been a fan since the early 80's, I've seen them at least 14 times, but never the original five members. Many times I've had great seats, I've been in the front row in a teeny club with only 300 people in it, I've met Simon 3 times, one of them just him and me at the Embarcadero Center when I waited for him to leave the radio station he was at…no one else was around. I got scooped up in his arm for a hug, holding my helmet and wearing my leathers, so we discussed motorcycles for a few minutes. I hung out in a hotel with John, then later backstage at Slim's with him and a few others…Nick is a delight in person. But I've never ever seen Andy or Roger, suffered years through Warren's fake hair, and when I met him, all he talked about was his ass muscles.
I want my first time to see the original fab five to be right up there. There's money for this, but I feel I should save it, put it towards more practical things and lessen financial stress through the New Year until things calm down in the Spring. It's the way I have always felt. Bucking this is really, really hard. It's not a thing I can easily dismiss. It's not an item I don't need, no tangible object is here, just a 30-something Duranie who wants to regress for an evening back to that 16 year old, finally old enough to see them, crushed in a front row and not believing where she was. I'm buying a life memory of something, silly as it is, is important to me and of a thing that has been a part of my life for 2/3 of it so far. At 16 I couldn't handle it. The night is a strong memory but the feeling of disbelief makes the glass of remembrance shady. There is no feeling of "I was THERE."

I'm jaded now. Interviewing clumps of rockstars and being friends with one in the interim since that night in NYC in the club has changed me. This sounds totally stupid, but I will "be there now" for this one. And I want to be right up front when I hear Andy's guitar live for the very first time.
So I'm still intent on this, two VIP tickets. I don't care about the chance to meet them. I will work extra side gigs on the web to get the money back faster.
But I still feel very irresponsible doing this. I need to learn to let go now and then.
Am I totally off base here? I could pay this off immediately if I chose, but that would make other things harder, better to dole the money out equally to all costs over a little more time…but this isn't completely irrational, is it? Just one time, the first time in 20 years of waiting and hoping, and feeling certain I'd missed my chance that I'd someday see the orginal five who covered my bedroom walls and ceiling? I have the means, I planned for the means…but my conservative self tells me this is frivolous and I should stash the cash.