Scheduling and gladiolas.

A sunny Sunday isĀ  welcome indeed. It was sunny this morning, then DLJ made homemade waffles and I watched rain pour down. Now it’s sunny again with only a few puffy white clouds. I plantedĀ  a good 20 gladiolus bulbs, and seeded some containers to start some things indoors. Where to put them indoors, however, is a question. They must get sun….and not tempt the cats. Tricky.

Soon I am going to check if I need to make more pizza dough, and get items for DLJ to have for a nice snack after his hard work installing the second raised vegetable bed.

Things are going to get busy soon, and the ticking clock of the march of time is going to start clamping down. We have a wedding reception up in Tacoma in April, my Mom would like to visit in May, DLJ’s parents also want to come stay a little…I have a jewelry show in May as well.

One priority that I do have, but am unsure how to deal with, is seeing Thomas again before mid-July. It’s going to be difficult after that for several reasons. But with all the scheduling over here, getting the time free before June seems iffy. And before I reach June, I can no longer fly to him due to being deep in the third trimester. I’ve had delightful stays at his house several times, and he’s only been up here once. A few days would be terrific, visiting Hood River, some light waterfall hikes, and just hanging out one more time before I become a full-fledged Mom would really mean a lot to me. I am looking forward to the kid, but let’s face it, for a few years it will be difficult for me to go anywhere alone, and I really value my alone time with my friends. When I was living in CA, Thomas and I would do all sorts of things together, rides on the motorcycle through the hills west of San Mateo, where we’d stop with a bottle of wine and a picnic lunch and talk for a couple hours. Or throwing darts in bars, hanging out at the Water Temple, just lots of time talking, talking, talking. These days most of our time has been with others, and it’s been work time. Talking business, tasks, etc. We haven’t just hung out since I moved. So we both are trying to sort out a way to do this…but nothing has arisen yet.

Thomas is just one example of this, the most “in my head” one right now. So many things will change soon, and while I know the change is not forever, and I know good things are on the way…I wish I could see him, and other really close friends again like Allison, who lives in Boston, one more time just the two of us. Having a simple tapas dinner with Allison with sangria in Boston last fall was so much fun…when will that happen again? How do I come to terms with the temporary, but long loss of these things? Readers who are already parents, help? =) It’s easier when you are the Dad, and not the 24 milk bar, ya know? I’m going to be attached for a looong time. And I’m independent enough to be realistically curious how this is all going to work.

3 thoughts on “Scheduling and gladiolas.

  1. You know, some people I know have completely changed since having children, and they have become identified exclusively as “parents” and “families” – they have forgotten the friends they had before the kids came and have written off those of us who are childless. Their loss, I believe. But other friends, after a time of being crazed when the kids were very small, have fallen back into old routines and the comfort of old friendships, along with new ones. Actually, those same friends kept me in the loop and in their lives even when the kiddos were very small, honestly. Sure, the early days are going to be tough as far as being able to be as in touch as you are right now, but with time, it’ll come back.

    I hope you are able to spend some time with Thomas soon. What a treasure to have good friends. I think that, as the work side of your relationship eases up, that will come back, too. :)

  2. How do I come to terms with the temporary, but long loss of these things?The short answer is, you will be too busy to worry about it. That’s the honest truth. It won’t even really cross your mind…and I mean this in a good way. Once things calm down, and they will, you will have plenty of time to have friends and “me time” again. And later, you will want to do all of those long talk/spending time together things with your son or daughter. It’s almost as if the whole process is by design. :)

    Before I go, I just have to say — you and TD must have the most patient and understanding spouses ever!

  3. Hi Lunesse,
    based on my own experience the advice I would give you, like the previous comment, is not to worry about it too much right now. When the baby comes your life will be transformed and all priorities will change. Some of the things that you consider important to you today will be shuffled down the list for a while.
    The crucial thing is to make sure that you don’t make yourself the kingpin of everything. Dads can do far more than they are sometimes given responsibility and credit for. If the child learns from day one that the world continues turning when mummy is out of the room – or building – then the separation anxiety thing is made much easier later on for mother and child. (not to mention father!)

    Once baby is weaned and some independence is possible again, make sure you get yourself out into the world as soon as it is comfortable so that you don’t get into the vicious circle of mummy-dependence.

    Sure, kids change everything but the definition of who you are and what you do is still yours. Sometimes it can be helpful to remind yourself of that.

    You have a wonderful time approaching. I would do anything to experience it again for the first time. It’s a thrilling ride!

    Life’s going to change big-time but change is good if you have the courage and stamina to manage it sensibly. I get the impression that you are pretty damn good at managing 10 things simultaneously so I’m also sure that you are going to see this one through without too much trouble as well.

    Best regards,
    Jon

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