I brushed my teeth today.

This is an accomplishment. I also already folded clothes and answered emails! It’s amazing how hard it is to get things done with a newborn. But I’m working at it. But everyone says to sleep when he does, which is so counter to getting anything done! I know it will get easier, he will start sleeping longer soon…

It’s a very nice day out today, hopefully we will get a walk together in it. He really loves walks in the Moby wrap. I miss DLJ already, he is in Bend overnight, and working really, really hard. I hope he can rest on the weekend, but with our little guy, it’s not the easiest thing to do!

I realize….

I never told you about the birth. Longer later, quick now:

Hopes: natural birth, medication free, intervention free.

Reality: 14-16 hours natural labor, unmedicated.  At 16 hours I can no longer help, I have the shakes and midwife discovers Derek is slightly turned the wrong way. I surrender to the epidural. Fever arrives, I go on antibiotics due to uterine infection.

at 19 hours, pitocin levels rise and Derek has now turned himself 180 the wrong way, his front facing my front. Midwife turns him twice, he turns back. Shakes really bad. At 24 hours, with no dilation progress, or any other sort after 5 hours, emergency c-section.

Gonna talk to him about all this someday. Naughty.

Off duty

Changed the look of the blog for Fall.
DLJ is downstairs with Derek. My Mom left today to go back to Arizona, it’s amazing how the time has gone. I remember the day they arrived in Oregon, and thinking, when they go home, I will have a baby! And here I am on the other end of that.

Derek is a really good baby. He fusses, all babies do, but so far, no colic, he’s usually pretty happy, and when not, we are getting better at figuring out why. All the stuff I thought I wouldn’t be able to sort out, I am starting to. I know when he’s pooping (it’s kinda cute actually, the look of concern he gets, and the zen face he has when he’s done), DLJ can tell when he’s peed. We usually can calm him down with some whooshing noise, swaddling, and jiggling him on our knee.

Getting up in the night is hard; but I sort of enjoy sitting with him in the dim light looking out the window at the blackness. When I am not so tired I am falling over, that is.

During the day I watch the leaves fall and think about the coming chilly weather. It’s fun to take him out in the Moby, I can do longer walks now and we have the thing down in terms of getting him in it. Even DLJ took a try and looked so cute carrying his son around.

Not all is perfect  here, the hospital bills are bad and I am not sure how we will get to the other side of all the financial things right now. I know we will, but I am one of those “always pay in cash” people, so any sort of debt drives me crazy, and add that to my hormones and any finance tension is very difficult for me right now. I am very bad at asking for help from friends and family, and worse at accepting it unasked; like somehow I am a failure for not being able to dole out several thousand dollars right NOW to pay the bills.

I take it to an extreme, and I know it, but I would rather stress on this side than stress on the side of owing money everywhere and living above my means. Usually, we don’t, but until the hospital bills, property taxes, and 2007 income tax are figured out, it’s going to be hard on my pride.  One step at a time, I know. And cut myself some slack, since I just had major surgery, my body is still going a little nuts (I have lost 30 pounds in the past month), hormones are crazy and  Derek and I are learning about each other, and DLJ and I are trying to help each other out and still get a little alone time in the process. He’s a great Dad. I’d love an hour or so just to snuggle up with him, maybe when Derek goes to sleep next. :p

Our boy.


It really is hard to get anything done with a newborn, when you are supposed to sleep when he does!

We are surviving, learning. I need to nap because he is. DLJ goes out of TOWN next week OVERNIGHT for a night. I will be so nervous! Not that I cannot handle it, that is just a lot of baby time with no sanity break. But I have to learn sometime. Mom has been SO helpful, she leaves Saturday, I think. I gotta be able to do this myself. Him, I am learning, him plus somehow dinner being created and some vague level of laundry and housecleaning…oy. I have to learn to carry him in the Moby more, we just learned how yesterday to do it correctly.