Changed the look of the blog for Fall.
DLJ is downstairs with Derek. My Mom left today to go back to Arizona, it’s amazing how the time has gone. I remember the day they arrived in Oregon, and thinking, when they go home, I will have a baby! And here I am on the other end of that.
Derek is a really good baby. He fusses, all babies do, but so far, no colic, he’s usually pretty happy, and when not, we are getting better at figuring out why. All the stuff I thought I wouldn’t be able to sort out, I am starting to. I know when he’s pooping (it’s kinda cute actually, the look of concern he gets, and the zen face he has when he’s done), DLJ can tell when he’s peed. We usually can calm him down with some whooshing noise, swaddling, and jiggling him on our knee.
Getting up in the night is hard; but I sort of enjoy sitting with him in the dim light looking out the window at the blackness. When I am not so tired I am falling over, that is.
During the day I watch the leaves fall and think about the coming chilly weather. It’s fun to take him out in the Moby, I can do longer walks now and we have the thing down in terms of getting him in it. Even DLJ took a try and looked so cute carrying his son around.
Not all is perfect here, the hospital bills are bad and I am not sure how we will get to the other side of all the financial things right now. I know we will, but I am one of those “always pay in cash” people, so any sort of debt drives me crazy, and add that to my hormones and any finance tension is very difficult for me right now. I am very bad at asking for help from friends and family, and worse at accepting it unasked; like somehow I am a failure for not being able to dole out several thousand dollars right NOW to pay the bills.
I take it to an extreme, and I know it, but I would rather stress on this side than stress on the side of owing money everywhere and living above my means. Usually, we don’t, but until the hospital bills, property taxes, and 2007 income tax are figured out, it’s going to be hard on my pride. One step at a time, I know. And cut myself some slack, since I just had major surgery, my body is still going a little nuts (I have lost 30 pounds in the past month), hormones are crazy and Derek and I are learning about each other, and DLJ and I are trying to help each other out and still get a little alone time in the process. He’s a great Dad. I’d love an hour or so just to snuggle up with him, maybe when Derek goes to sleep next. :p