House of the Moon

Today I went to an Open House at my friend and massage therapist’s new office. It is SO wonderful. I wish it had been where I was going when I was seeing her regularly a couple years ago. Gorgeous, soothing rooms, wonderful waiting area and couches back in the back of the business that are also comfy. I had a cup of cider and we caught up. I really miss going. It’s a luxury item at the moment, and I do miss it. With my lampwork, and sleeping, my arm was really bothering me when I started going to see her. When I got pregnant, I kept going until the very end. But after Derek was here, no time, no time. I could treat myself now and then, and maybe now I can, now that Derek is able to hang out at home with Dada or even our babysitter up the street. As I left, she popped into the little back office room and came out with a gift certificate for me for a free $30 minute massage from her. I am going to add another $30 onto it and hopefully go right after a holiday, Thanksgiving or Xmas.

It was great to see her, and see how well her business is doing. I strongly rec. her to local women for a massage. She and her hands are fabulous.

We had a good afternoon and evening. I spent some time in the studio working on some new ideas.

Derek is saying all sort of crazy things. “What the heck was that?” “Derek’s big mouth!”

We swear he was also saying “My hot buns” today and I KNOW we have never told him he has hot buns. *boggle*

Lots of kids came to the front door and Derek helped hand out candy. He has never had a single piece, so he didn’t even know what he was giving them. Sweetheart. Next year we will go trick or treating with him. Today he wore his giraffe costume which barely fits. Halloween came just in time.

My stomach hurts. I need to nap.

So this is shorter than I wanted.

I got my first set of needles today for knitting, that are my own. I am going to try to make Derek a simple scarf for my first project. But I have to remember how to cast on, I may try tonight. My friend who taught me the beginnings of knitting helped me today to pick out my yarn and my needles and is up for a refresher one evening next week.

Too short, sorry. Must rest.

Today was, and still will be, I hope, wonderful.

I spent 2+ hours at a local sauna/spa relaxing, laying around nekkid, sitting in the wet sauna, sweating out toxins, taking showers and splashing with cold water infused with mugwort. It was terrific. Then I went to Powell’s and flipped through a magazine or two before coming home, refreshed. When I have free time, I go to the studio, and it was slowly driving me mad. So today, instead of DLJ and Derek going out, I went out by myself.

Then I came home and did a little work in the studio, and spent the afternoon outside with Derek and DLJ, messing with the garden, and getting the new bike trailer up and running (new inner tubes), and playing with the neighborhood kids up the street.

Now I am making homemade french onion soup, the sun is shining, and I am sure we will all go for an evening walk after dinner. The weather is fabulous, despite being super cold this morning with frost on the deck.

Very, very, VERY good day.

Are you lucky, huh?

I am unwinding from the day, Derek is asleep.
While I was feeding him lunch the doorbell rang, and it was the postman holding my envelope with Holistic Moms flyers…with no stamps on it! Der! He didn’t even tell me what was wrong, I saw it immediately and scuttled off to get stamps. I am glad I was there to answer the door, 20 minutes earlier and I would have been napping along with Derek!

Our pediatrician said he’d put them out in the waiting room and already agreed to come as a speaker for us at our meetings, whatever topic we think would be suited. He also gave me a midwife and and a naturopath as connections to approach to be speakers as well. And hopefully we will have a yoga practitioner as well one time, who teaches prenatal and post natal yoga. So that is a good base to start from in terms of finding folks to come talk at meetings! I am glad to be starting this branch with a co-leader, it makes the work a lot more managed and less daunting.

Today was chilly, the first chilly day so far since summer began, if you don’t count our days at the coast. I just got some new pants and it was a good day to try them out, not a day for shorts! I haven’t bought much new clothing since Derek was born, these were a size smaller than what I was right before I got pregnant and fit with a lot of room, without being too big. I hope to go shopping for clothes in the next week or two, and it’s good to maybe know where to start in terms of sizing. I wish I liked clothes shopping, but I don’t, so I hope to find some things within a decent amount of time before I feel like fleeing the stores. I wasn’t born with that particular gene that seems to settle into the female of the species more often than not.

I am clearly missing touring and the world of Dolby. I keep having touring dreams, that are almost as busy and stressy as the real days on the road could be, but I am always so happy in the dreams to be back in that world. Someday, someday….He’s working hard on his new album and I am really jazzed for him. I miss him, he has been away from the U.S. for over a year now, and after weeks together on the road, it’s so different to have him so far away. At least I know as long as he is there and we are here, when we are ready to check out England, we have at least one place to call home! And since I know Google will pick this up on the Thomas Dolby alert: Hi Thomas! I miss you! And I got those shirts out to the rightful owners! =P

I did not get back in the studio today to start hammering my silver, maybe tomorrow. I always have things I don’t get to that I want, but if I finish most of my goals, it’s a banner day.
Ok, the belly is full of risotto and it’s time for a quick, hot shower and then snuggle into bed with a good book.

I never told you about the birth. Longer later, quick now:

Hopes: natural birth, medication free, intervention free.

Reality: 14-16 hours natural labor, unmedicated.  At 16 hours I can no longer help, I have the shakes and midwife discovers Derek is slightly turned the wrong way. I surrender to the epidural. Fever arrives, I go on antibiotics due to uterine infection.

at 19 hours, pitocin levels rise and Derek has now turned himself 180 the wrong way, his front facing my front. Midwife turns him twice, he turns back. Shakes really bad. At 24 hours, with no dilation progress, or any other sort after 5 hours, emergency c-section.

Gonna talk to him about all this someday. Naughty.

Changed the look of the blog for Fall.
DLJ is downstairs with Derek. My Mom left today to go back to Arizona, it’s amazing how the time has gone. I remember the day they arrived in Oregon, and thinking, when they go home, I will have a baby! And here I am on the other end of that.

Derek is a really good baby. He fusses, all babies do, but so far, no colic, he’s usually pretty happy, and when not, we are getting better at figuring out why. All the stuff I thought I wouldn’t be able to sort out, I am starting to. I know when he’s pooping (it’s kinda cute actually, the look of concern he gets, and the zen face he has when he’s done), DLJ can tell when he’s peed. We usually can calm him down with some whooshing noise, swaddling, and jiggling him on our knee.

Getting up in the night is hard; but I sort of enjoy sitting with him in the dim light looking out the window at the blackness. When I am not so tired I am falling over, that is.

During the day I watch the leaves fall and think about the coming chilly weather. It’s fun to take him out in the Moby, I can do longer walks now and we have the thing down in terms of getting him in it. Even DLJ took a try and looked so cute carrying his son around.

Not all is perfect  here, the hospital bills are bad and I am not sure how we will get to the other side of all the financial things right now. I know we will, but I am one of those “always pay in cash” people, so any sort of debt drives me crazy, and add that to my hormones and any finance tension is very difficult for me right now. I am very bad at asking for help from friends and family, and worse at accepting it unasked; like somehow I am a failure for not being able to dole out several thousand dollars right NOW to pay the bills.

I take it to an extreme, and I know it, but I would rather stress on this side than stress on the side of owing money everywhere and living above my means. Usually, we don’t, but until the hospital bills, property taxes, and 2007 income tax are figured out, it’s going to be hard on my pride.  One step at a time, I know. And cut myself some slack, since I just had major surgery, my body is still going a little nuts (I have lost 30 pounds in the past month), hormones are crazy and  Derek and I are learning about each other, and DLJ and I are trying to help each other out and still get a little alone time in the process. He’s a great Dad. I’d love an hour or so just to snuggle up with him, maybe when Derek goes to sleep next. :p

Our boy.

Since time is scarce, doing this from a shared chat with a friend:
merujo: How’s it shaking with the wee Derek?
lunesse2: humph
lunesse2: two  nights ago my calves  hurt
lunesse2: i called yesterday to tell the midwife that
lunesse2: I spent last night in the ER for 4 hours by myself
lunesse2: because I refused to let Derek go in there
merujo: No way!
lunesse2: so i was seperated from him and don
lunesse2: midwife thought I should
lunesse2: it felt like pulled muscles
lunesse2: but clots and thrombosis have greatly heightened odds post pregnant, and then post cesaeran
merujo: Right — that’s just what I was thinking, too.
lunesse2: my parents drove in fro the coast and Dad shuttled my pumped mulk back and forth for derek from the ER
lunesse2: it wasnt enough, he was still very  hungry
merujo: Awwww
lunesse2: but it saved us from using formula
lunesse2: I was a wreck
lunesse2: and of course
lunesse2: my legs are fine
lunesse2: im doing too much
merujo: Awww, Luny. Did they determine what the deal was?
lunesse2: climbing the stairs too much
merujo: Heh.
merujo: Murphy’s Law. Of course.
merujo: Ya poor thing!
lunesse2: better that than the bad alternative but
lunesse2: it was a trying evening
lunesse2: tho mom and dad thanked me for the excuse to see Derek again
merujo:  Good grandparents. 
merujo: You must just be beat today.

I got home around 9-10 last night, and scored some new mesh panties in the deal (you wear them post pregnancy for a bit in the hospital, and they help me with my recovery to my body so I still wear them, as all my old  underwear is too tight when I have stitches.)
Today, the postpartum meeting with the doula, getting another Miracle blanket (they are swaddling HEAVEN), and resting. The calves were me doing too much. So I have to slow down. It’s really hard to not just be me again, I feel so light and small. In a week I have lost 18 pounds and I want to get out there! =)

I went outside today and did some weeding. I mowed. I drank tea and read a book.

I’m alone. But not entirely. I am the last pregnant woman I know well, though. My friend Patagonia went into labor today. Her estimated date was two days after mine. I know that soon we will be walking and carrying kids around together, but now I am left to waddle and swim alone during the day. It feels lonely. Having someone to go through pregnancy with was really neat. Even though we didn’t talk about babies ALL the time, being pregnant ALL the time, which was something I found tiresome at gatherings of other pregnant women, it was nice to just have someone there with you going through what you were. Everyone in my birthing classes are done, I had the latest date. So now it’s just me and the kidlet, and I’m hanging out waiting for him to decide it’s time.

And for some reason, it’s lonely.

Or it’s just those hormones. Either way, I am ready to have my body back, and meet this little dude. Meanwhile, I will continue to take walks with DLJ, swim with DLJ on weekends, and try to do things around the house/yard as best I can. I feel pretty good that I am still out there weeding and mowing at 39+ weeks, ish. My date is a little fuzzy.

But it does feel like I am the last one standing.

I just mowed the backyard. With our reel mower. *flex*

Later, some weeding. That is way easier, I can just scoot around on my butt and pull weeds while sitting down.

With my crazy pregnant mood swings, there’s a few thing that consistently have made me happy the past couple weeks:

DLJ (he is being a really great guy thru all this, supporting, calling me a “hot mama” and just being really understanding.

Rain. I love it right now. Maybe it is because it normally doesn’t rain this time of year…but right now there is a slow drizzle and every day it does this I just sit and watch.

Swimming. It makes me feel so good afterwards. The lack of gravity is great, the exercise is nice, and I just feel uplifted each time.

Less than a month to go.