Fumbling towards Ecstacy – and standing still.

Life is…. life, these days.

Fun, fulfilling. But I feel the need for deeper connections with humans, these days. More of them.
And, I suppose, within my own family. Yet at the same time, lethargy has set in. Day in, day out.

For me, maybe this is a “con” of the internet. I have dear friends in my life, and most of them do not live where I do. A small handful do, and I am thankful for that. But my tribe is so far flung, and I think it hampers my overall satisfaction with my connections with others. I have always had room in my heart for more than one person. I love many people, deeply. DLJ is the only one that this love translates into a physical relationship, and the commitments of a partnership, but I love others, too. Connections run deep across the planet for me, but I know it isn’t the same as being there. Lately I have been wanting more deep, meaningful relationships with others. I feel this is mostly a desire to have more feedback, more interaction. Meaningful interaction, not just daily conversations with adults, the way I would if I had a full time job.
I seek experience. I always have. As a Mom with a little dude, right now my outside experiences are very few, so I know I am wanting others to bring me their lives and stories, while mine is relatively in one place, stable. Domesticated, frankly.
I wonder what the future will be. Meanwhile, I should be more content with my present. It’s what I have now, it is what we all have, right now. But I am being coached to also dream of the future, and use that for present happiness now. Planning for later, now, so that I am ready for later, when it comes.
I really want a clone. There’s just too much I want to do, and not enough time, leniency, personal freedom to do it all. And that includes being a Mom, at home, as I am. I don’t want that to go away. Just…can’t do it all.
Grass is always greener.

No room to move

Such a busy weekend. We just had bamboo floors installed in the living room and dining room, after ripping out all the carpet ourselves. White carpet in a dining room. Who does that?
Along with this is the obligatory moving around of furniture, and getting rid of things we don’t use, or giving them a better use.

Slowly but surely. The floor guys need to come back to finish the stair that goes into the sunken living room, but that is about it.

We had a birthday party to go to yesterday, and another one today. I am feverishly putting together inventory to put in a gallery tomorrow. And then I need to make MORE. MORE MORE MORE to fill out my offerings, and to put some others back out at the coast, and then try to get some up on Etsy, too. STUDIO TIME: NEEDED!

We said goodbye to a dear friend 2 days ago, our cat Lolita, who was 20. She moved in with DLJ years ago in Oakland, California. Her physical descent was quick into kidney failure and we brought her to the vet to stop her pain on Friday. It was a sad day, but I feel better knowing she is no longer declining. She wasn’t eating at all and every day looked worse and worse. She wasn’t Lolita as we knew her, so I know we were doing the right thing.

Life goes on. Halloween, we are finishing up Derek’s costume today, and need to carve one more pumpkin.
With that, we are quite busy today. I sort of envy the snow storm in the east, I know the power outages and such are not fun, but there is something cozy about a house with all that snow…. if you have power and heat somehow, of course.

Happy Halloween/Samhain!

Enter Summer

It’s raining tonight. It’s a nice, cozy rain. We went to a birthday party earlier for one of Derek’s friends and it was a good time, good food and friends. There was a point were most of the kids were running in crazy circles around the house, faster and faster and louder, and eventually, two bonked and cried, but soon they were all running again, it was so loud we adults could barely talk…..
…except for Derek and one of his friends, who were over in the family room playing together, putting cars in a giant recycling truck, completely oblivious to all the craziness going on, which seemed impossible, it was so rambunctious.

I love my little dude!

I sold a lot of excess glass today, and my first flameworking torch. Sniff. But it had been sitting on a shelf. I repainted my studio Saturday, finishing up painting over most of the pale yellow areas a light blue. And now, suddenly, even though the paint job was quick and imperfect, I am on this minimalist kick in there. I took down posters, postcards, etc., in order to paint, and now I don’t want to put any of them back up. So for now they are stored away until I decide if I want anything in there again. Funny.

I just signed Derek up for his summer swimming lessons, so I think our summer schedule is now complete. A gym sports kind of class on Tuesday mornings, swimming on Thursday evenings, speech therapy on Fridays (he is doing very well with his stutter these weeks. Except when excited, it is almost nonexistent, which is very good progress and bodes well for the future with this and eliminating it completely) and then hopefully Friday playgroup. Oh, and a playgroup at his preschool in the forest on most Wednesdays. That leaves Monday for shopping, one day for a babysitter, and the rest of the time for playing with friends, hanging out at home, zoo, etc.

In other news, we bleached the hell out of our bathroom today. The shower pan is so old that the sealant is gone, and we can’t get it back on there (its a pebbled shower pan, huge and heavy.) So we can bleach it and leave it for two weeks. That means we shower downstairs for two weeks. Excitement around here, I tell you. Oh well, it will feel exotic, showering in a “new” location.

Thrilling, huh?

Emptying out.

I sold the glider chair today. The one I sat in with Derek the first days of his life in the world,all the way up until the day before we put his big boy bed that we built by hand into his room. That was Memorial Day weekend.
It went to a guy for his fiance, they are expecting a little girl. I sent him the links for the Miracle Blanket and Happiest Baby on the Block and wished him well.

*Sniff*

I got the glider used myself, so I ended up breaking even on it.

How they grow. But Derek’s room looks nice, with lots more room with that big chair gone. Still. So many evenings, mornings, late nights…..listening to the guy deliver newspapers at 3:30 AM, when I was up night after night when he was….watching the seasons change from that chair….


Derek in the chair with Gram, just a few days old. Can’t see the chair but… whatever. =)

time. it passes. pay attention.

Rainy Holiday weekend.

Well, I guess it is not the weekend yet. Derek is upstairs and I am trying to get him dressed to go swimming, but he is being very dawdly today. I fear this will end in a freakout when it is too late to go swimming, but he has to learn to get dressed at least semi-efficiently if he wants to go out.

The rain is pouring down, I can hear it through the layers of wood and insulation that is the roof.

Our big project this weekend is Derek’s bed. He will be 4 in August, but still sleeps in his coverted crib, it just has a low bar along one side so he doesn’t fall out. He has been so happy in it over time we saw no reason to hurry to move to a twin size bed. I am sure he is the last of his friends to make the switch, but little childhood is so fleeting, we are in no hurry….but he is getting TALL. It’s time, soon he will be squished out of the bed anyway.

So I have been very mindful this past week at bedtime, at what it feels like to sit right next to him, holding his hand before we leave the room, what he looks like when we walk in to check on him, the size of him in this bed, his very first one, save for the sidecar crib we had next to me in our room when he was an infant. I am eager to make his new bed, but I am indeed taking the time to stop and reflect and enjoy these last nights and naps where I can sit right next to him, even lay down, my hand still holding his. I remember putting the crib together before he was born. It goes so fast…but not as fast as it would if I was hurrying to the next stage, and not stopping to reflect. The days are long, the years are short. I remember this every day.

His new bed is in the garage, ready to be built. We are making it ourselves, and it will have a jungle theme to it. I picked up the paint yesterday, the wood is all cut and just needs to be sanded. By the end of this holiday weekend, he should have his new bed, mostly. I have a few things I need to get for it still, but it will be read for sleeping.

I will be sure to post a picture when it is all completed.

substance…

Need to make an online journal entry of substance.

I need to make the time to do it.

How did my days get so busy, so full, so hectic? Web stuff, straw stuff, preschool stuff, little boy stuff, house stuff, preschool auction stuff, health stuff, DLJ stuff.

Well, I must get back to the STUFF. I will try to write something with decent content in the next few days.

Oh, fudge!

I tried making my grandmother’s fudge recipe today for the first time ever. I think I went too far past soft ball stage, so I tried again with the batch, and it improved slightly in consistency, but is still grainy. Still, a good first try. Derek will like it no matter what. Next time, a little less long on the stove…
Derek has a cold, so we are hanging around home instead of our original plan to go up on Mt Hood this weekend. We never told him, so he doesn’t know what we aren’t doing, and we will try again next week. Hopefully both of us will avoid it, or get it mildly.
Last night I went to my little sauna place I like with a groupon I bought last year and used it for two hours of wet and dry sauna, relaxing. It was different to be there in the evening. My only complaint is there was no area light enough to really read a magazine while waiting and cooling off between sauna sessions.
For about 40 min I was the only one in there, and after that, only a few more folks came. I was back home by Derek’s bedtime.
I signed Derek up for a cooking class through the local park and rec. It is only for a month, but I hope he likes it. It will be his first park and rec structured class without me. *sniff* But good at the same time.
Not sure what we will do with the rest of the day. It is Sunday, so it is pizza day. I need to drop some money off at the bank. I made a bead yesterday after letting my student have her “open torch” time. I have been so busy…so little time to just sit and play with the glass. Which makes development into new things hard, as I just don’t give myself the time to evolve. But I had better do it before summer, when I don’t have Derek in school…even LESS time!
I wish I had news. But I don’t. I have some health stuff going on that needs to have a test in 2 weeks. I’m concerned but trying to not be overly concerned. If you are so inclined, throwing some positive, healing energy my way in the next 2 weeks can’t hurt. I’d rather not have help on the day of the test….whatever is there is there at that point, but good juju directed at me and my body now, before the test….that would be keen.

Snow might arrive this week, I kind of would like a snow day for Derek, so as long as we are stocked up on coffee and snacks…I’m good for a bunch of the white stuff.

Lights in the rain

It’s another rainy Sunday here in Oregon. But we will probably put up the holiday lights anyway. Last night we went out to dinner at New Seasons, a local schmancy grocery store, and Derek saw his first holiday lights of the year. He was VERY excited, and kept saying “Who else in this neighborhood has their Christmas lights up?” and “Oh that is so PRETTY!” He is so sweet. I hope we can record him saying these things. Last year what he said was “Can we find more lights?” And the year before that….not much at all since he had very few words…

I am very busy. I am doing a lot of work on Thomas Dolby’s site right now, it is deep in crunch time on that one. And I just started working on a new site, another band called the Shanghai Woolies, a local band that plays hot jazz. And I have lots to do on the website for Derek’s preschool, as that is my volunteer parent job. And of course, the beads, the glass, the straws. Plus being a Mom and a wife. Busy! Very busy. I need things to settle down, but I am not sure when that will happen. The immediate crush should slow in a few days and not be so hectic.

I’m still in my pajamas. It’s been a nice, long week of DLJ being home. We were going to go to LA for Thanksgiving but it was canceled at the 11th hour, my MIL was very sick and didn’t want us to come. So we went to the coast instead. It was nice, we had two days that were cloudy, but also partly clear, with no rain, so Derek got some beach time in, we went to the Oregon Aquarium on Thanksgiving Day, which was a GREAT day to go. There were less than 200 people wandering the whole place, it was like it was rented out for a private party or something in terms of our freedom to roam around and see very few other people.

While life is very busy right now, I am grateful for the busy. It means I have work to do, art to do, ways to help friends with their work, and a great family to be a part of.

Beds and goals

We are slowly getting ready to put Derek in a regular-sized bed. He has been happy in his crib, which has had the side rail off now for months, but he is getting towards the end of his time just plain fitting in it. We haven’t been in a hurry since this bed works fine, and it gives us time to figure out what we want to do next.

A few months ago DLJ took Derek to IKEA and let him play around on the beds there in the kids rooms and stuff, to see how Derek reacted to different ones, twins, full, colors, etc.

The one he liked, and after a trip there yesterday (more on that later) he still liked one that is a sort of bunk bed for one. It can be high up as a bunk or lower, but DLJ doesn’t like that when it is lower you have wasted space underneath that could be storage or drawers instead. DLJ is always very keen on best space usage, it’s his thing. I don’t know if we would even make it ever be on the lower setting, so the point is a little moot.

However, it is IKEA. I would rather have something that will last for years, look good for years. Beds are pretty important pieces of furniture, in terms of health, comfort, and as he gets older, space to relax and dream and sleep and curl up when sick…we have a lot of IKEA in our home but I am not sure I want more in his room, or for his bed.

Also, at least two of his friends, it appears, will end up with the same bed. And I was never a trend-follower. ;) I will leave it there for now as a mystery for a little bit. Have to keep you readers around. Yeah, kid beds. What an epic topic for mystery.

DLJ and Derek went to IKEA and did a lot of other things while I had 11, yes, 11 hours to myself on Sunday. I hung out with a friend and most of it was fun (vs. work, not vs. not fun) with a little work thrown in. He is a musician and wants help with his band and touring, something I have experience with, enough that I could help, potentially. So we hashed that out a little, and I’m still interested. But I have a lot to do around here.

Here is a list of stuff in no particular order of things I really need to get taken care of. I need to make a goal list and just get through these:

Move the berry vines.
Transplant the hydrangea (this will be in Nov-ish).
Finish updating the preschool website
Paint the kitchen
Make owl cookies
Get rid of stuff in dining room
Research bed project
plant fall bulbs
finish knitting fingerless gloves
other knitting project needs to be started
keep working on other client website

that’s it for now, Derek is up from his fake-nap. ;)