Off duty

Changed the look of the blog for Fall.
DLJ is downstairs with Derek. My Mom left today to go back to Arizona, it’s amazing how the time has gone. I remember the day they arrived in Oregon, and thinking, when they go home, I will have a baby! And here I am on the other end of that.

Derek is a really good baby. He fusses, all babies do, but so far, no colic, he’s usually pretty happy, and when not, we are getting better at figuring out why. All the stuff I thought I wouldn’t be able to sort out, I am starting to. I know when he’s pooping (it’s kinda cute actually, the look of concern he gets, and the zen face he has when he’s done), DLJ can tell when he’s peed. We usually can calm him down with some whooshing noise, swaddling, and jiggling him on our knee.

Getting up in the night is hard; but I sort of enjoy sitting with him in the dim light looking out the window at the blackness. When I am not so tired I am falling over, that is.

During the day I watch the leaves fall and think about the coming chilly weather. It’s fun to take him out in the Moby, I can do longer walks now and we have the thing down in terms of getting him in it. Even DLJ took a try and looked so cute carrying his son around.

Not all is perfect  here, the hospital bills are bad and I am not sure how we will get to the other side of all the financial things right now. I know we will, but I am one of those “always pay in cash” people, so any sort of debt drives me crazy, and add that to my hormones and any finance tension is very difficult for me right now. I am very bad at asking for help from friends and family, and worse at accepting it unasked; like somehow I am a failure for not being able to dole out several thousand dollars right NOW to pay the bills.

I take it to an extreme, and I know it, but I would rather stress on this side than stress on the side of owing money everywhere and living above my means. Usually, we don’t, but until the hospital bills, property taxes, and 2007 income tax are figured out, it’s going to be hard on my pride.  One step at a time, I know. And cut myself some slack, since I just had major surgery, my body is still going a little nuts (I have lost 30 pounds in the past month), hormones are crazy and  Derek and I are learning about each other, and DLJ and I are trying to help each other out and still get a little alone time in the process. He’s a great Dad. I’d love an hour or so just to snuggle up with him, maybe when Derek goes to sleep next. :p

dereksept907.jpg
Our boy.

Oof

It really is hard to get anything done with a newborn, when you are supposed to sleep when he does!

We are surviving, learning. I need to nap because he is. DLJ goes out of TOWN next week OVERNIGHT for a night. I will be so nervous! Not that I cannot handle it, that is just a lot of baby time with no sanity break. But I have to learn sometime. Mom has been SO helpful, she leaves Saturday, I think. I gotta be able to do this myself. Him, I am learning, him plus somehow dinner being created and some vague level of laundry and housecleaning…oy. I have to learn to carry him in the Moby more, we just learned how yesterday to do it correctly.

Back in the Hospital Again.

Since time is scarce, doing this from a shared chat with a friend:
merujo: How’s it shaking with the wee Derek?
lunesse2: humph
lunesse2: two  nights ago my calves  hurt
lunesse2: i called yesterday to tell the midwife that
lunesse2: I spent last night in the ER for 4 hours by myself
lunesse2: because I refused to let Derek go in there
merujo: No way!
lunesse2: so i was seperated from him and don
lunesse2: midwife thought I should
lunesse2: it felt like pulled muscles
lunesse2: but clots and thrombosis have greatly heightened odds post pregnant, and then post cesaeran
merujo: Right — that’s just what I was thinking, too.
lunesse2: my parents drove in fro the coast and Dad shuttled my pumped mulk back and forth for derek from the ER
lunesse2: it wasnt enough, he was still very  hungry
merujo: Awwww
lunesse2: but it saved us from using formula
lunesse2: I was a wreck
lunesse2: and of course
lunesse2: my legs are fine
lunesse2: im doing too much
merujo: Awww, Luny. Did they determine what the deal was?
lunesse2: climbing the stairs too much
merujo: Heh.
merujo: Murphy’s Law. Of course.
merujo: Ya poor thing!
lunesse2: better that than the bad alternative but
lunesse2: it was a trying evening
lunesse2: tho mom and dad thanked me for the excuse to see Derek again
merujo:  Good grandparents. 
merujo: You must just be beat today.

I got home around 9-10 last night, and scored some new mesh panties in the deal (you wear them post pregnancy for a bit in the hospital, and they help me with my recovery to my body so I still wear them, as all my old  underwear is too tight when I have stitches.)
Today, the postpartum meeting with the doula, getting another Miracle blanket (they are swaddling HEAVEN), and resting. The calves were me doing too much. So I have to slow down. It’s really hard to not just be me again, I feel so light and small. In a week I have lost 18 pounds and I want to get out there! =)

Crosseyed Baby

So, Derek has arrived. World, meet Derek. Derek, meet world. I am very tired but so in love.

Especially because he is off to a good start at being as strange as his Mom. =)

More about his arrival when things calm down. It is amazing to me, to see this little guy who lived inside me for so long!

The Slow Days

Well, I am following the pattern of many and am now over my due date.

I’m mostly ok with this, he will come out when he’s ready, and I am really paying attention to these last days alone. I will never have them again. Even when he is grown up and gone he will be in my head, someone I can call, or who can call me. So I am relishing the hours alone even as I am a bit impatient for them to end.

The weekend was pleasant, with walks with DLJ, watching a movie, I made homemade cinnamon rolls that were very good (thank you, Alton Brown) and made some beads. If the rain lets up today I will take some photos for auctions for the week.

What else? Not much. Just waiting, existing, taking it slow and enjoying the last moments truly to myself…they could end at any time.

I have an ultrasound on Wed. if he is  not here, to check the amniotic levels and see how he’s doing. If all is well, we wait some more.

I am happy about the rain today. Not only does it refill my rainbarrels and water my veggies, but it is slow, and meditative. Cozy. A bit strange in August, but I will take it.

Alone, but not.

I went outside today and did some weeding. I mowed. I drank tea and read a book.

I’m alone. But not entirely. I am the last pregnant woman I know well, though. My friend Patagonia went into labor today. Her estimated date was two days after mine. I know that soon we will be walking and carrying kids around together, but now I am left to waddle and swim alone during the day. It feels lonely. Having someone to go through pregnancy with was really neat. Even though we didn’t talk about babies ALL the time, being pregnant ALL the time, which was something I found tiresome at gatherings of other pregnant women, it was nice to just have someone there with you going through what you were. Everyone in my birthing classes are done, I had the latest date. So now it’s just me and the kidlet, and I’m hanging out waiting for him to decide it’s time.

And for some reason, it’s lonely.

Or it’s just those hormones. Either way, I am ready to have my body back, and meet this little dude. Meanwhile, I will continue to take walks with DLJ, swim with DLJ on weekends, and try to do things around the house/yard as best I can. I feel pretty good that I am still out there weeding and mowing at 39+ weeks, ish. My date is a little fuzzy.

But it does feel like I am the last one standing.

Happy

With my crazy pregnant mood swings, there’s a few thing that consistently have made me happy the past couple weeks:

DLJ (he is being a really great guy thru all this, supporting, calling me a “hot mama” and just being really understanding.

Rain. I love it right now. Maybe it is because it normally doesn’t rain this time of year…but right now there is a slow drizzle and every day it does this I just sit and watch.

Swimming. It makes me feel so good afterwards. The lack of gravity is great, the exercise is nice, and I just feel uplifted each time.

Less than a month to go.

HAWT.

Today it is to get near 100, if not 100. We have no AC. This is normally not  a problem, but when I’m pregnant, it might be a little trying.

I’m under a large ceiling fan right now, having just woke up from a late morning nap ( I have not been sleeping perfectly so I need these to stay sane and non-sleep deprived).

I watered everyone in the garden, have shut all the windows and closed all the blinds. The door to the attic is open for that last place for hot air to escape to. I have water, fans, and will go swimming in the afternoon with a friend to keep cool.

Time to make sure all the cats are in and happy.

I had a midwife appointment yesterday and I’m almost at 35 weeks and doing fine.

=) Sorry I have been so sparse, but I have been just…spending a lot of time alone, since I won’t have it like this…ever again. =)

Done by the heat of the day.

It’s supposed to get very warm today, and I have done all my “hot” tasks already, before 1 pm!

I made a bunch of strawberry jam today, using the pressure canner, from a flat of berries I bought at a farm a few miles away.  There are still plenty of berries left for ice cream, for DLJ’s smoothies, and snacking, and some to freeze for later in the year. The jars of jam are cooling now on the counter. I also put lasagna in the oven about 10 minutes ago, for dinner tonight and later in the week. The day gets warmest around here in the afternoon, so I am glad to have these things done before it starts really heating up. All that is left today is two short errands, and some writing. I will tackle the errands when the lasagna comes out, writing can be done after that.

Time is ticking down to the baby arriving! I am learning a lot from some books and friends, and am feeling confident…but also very aware I know so little. When this little guy starts getting smart, it’s going to be a lot of work, parenting, but I can also see how it can be very fulfilling to meet the challenges of not being manipulated and also helping the little guy have good confidence and self esteem. It’s going to be a bunch of trial and error, that is for sure!

Time to go lay down and take a break with a book, until the lasagna is done cooking. I am just so glad I got all the hot work done early today!

Another long day by myself…

DLJ is making another day-long trip to Bend, so he won’t be in chat to say hi a lot throughout the day.

Last night was our last birth class, and it was really fun, we had a potluck, and the guys surprised the girls with a foot massage in water. DLJ brought lots of rose petals from our garden and shared them with the guys so all of us pregnant moms-to-be could have rose scented water.

Our teacher is going to try to put together a get together for all of us at the end of summer so we can all see each other again after the babies are here. I hope that happens, you get to know the classmates and want to see how it all turned out for each of them!

I have a lot of beads to send out today, and then I sort of feel like running some errands in Portland proper, but I am not sure yet.

DLJ will be home too late for dinner, so I don’t have to cook tonight other than for myself. Something simple out of the freezer, as I have been spending the week emptying it of old leftovers to make room for frozen meals once the baby comes. One thing we learned last night was a way to make a food wheel to have friends help us with frozen meals. Between that and my mother, who plans to cook extra amounts of things when they arrive at the coast next week, we should have a good amount of easy to heat up food for those first weeks.

So….it’s 8 am. I could get some more sleep, but I think I will save that for a nap later. I guess I will do those errands today and get them out of the way, do some cleaning and get the beads in the mail. Not sure if I will torch today, if not, then definitely tomorrow.

I like my empty space…it’s strange to think it will be gone soon. But I know what fills it will be a wonderful thing indeed…but it’s still strange to think about.