Fumbling towards Ecstacy – and standing still.

Life is…. life, these days.

Fun, fulfilling. But I feel the need for deeper connections with humans, these days. More of them.
And, I suppose, within my own family. Yet at the same time, lethargy has set in. Day in, day out.

For me, maybe this is a “con” of the internet. I have dear friends in my life, and most of them do not live where I do. A small handful do, and I am thankful for that. But my tribe is so far flung, and I think it hampers my overall satisfaction with my connections with others. I have always had room in my heart for more than one person. I love many people, deeply. DLJ is the only one that this love translates into a physical relationship, and the commitments of a partnership, but I love others, too. Connections run deep across the planet for me, but I know it isn’t the same as being there. Lately I have been wanting more deep, meaningful relationships with others. I feel this is mostly a desire to have more feedback, more interaction. Meaningful interaction, not just daily conversations with adults, the way I would if I had a full time job.
I seek experience. I always have. As a Mom with a little dude, right now my outside experiences are very few, so I know I am wanting others to bring me their lives and stories, while mine is relatively in one place, stable. Domesticated, frankly.
I wonder what the future will be. Meanwhile, I should be more content with my present. It’s what I have now, it is what we all have, right now. But I am being coached to also dream of the future, and use that for present happiness now. Planning for later, now, so that I am ready for later, when it comes.
I really want a clone. There’s just too much I want to do, and not enough time, leniency, personal freedom to do it all. And that includes being a Mom, at home, as I am. I don’t want that to go away. Just…can’t do it all.
Grass is always greener.

Museum.

I forgot. I have to go out to the studio and prep for a demo at the Museum of Contemporary Craft tomorrow. And I need to bring my camera so I can take a photo of my work on exhibit before the show gets taken down in a week or so.

I haven’t played in my studio since before Christmas, I have been so busy and the rain has been relentless. I still love it though, the sound of it on the roof and hitting the lawn outside doesn’t get old. I would like a nice, sunny day, however.

I told Derek today we were going to get some salmon for dinner, and he added, “get bacon, too?” I guess he takes after Dad. I like New Seasons bacon, it has no nitrites in it, but I didn’t have the time to trek over there.

You know,  this quickly turned into  a very boring domestic entry. I actually have a lot going on in my brain right now. I am supposed to go to London in February, a very, VERY short trip. It was short by my decision, so that Derek, who has not been away from me for more than about 10 hours, wouldn’t have to deal with my absence for too long. I could have stayed longer with my friend Thomas, but we are planning a trip specifically to stay with him in the nearish future, and I felt like I couldn’t do that on my own without the family, also a reason for cutting it so short. But now, it’s in upheaval in my head for several reasons. Being away from Derek, being someone who hates flying and cannot sleep on planes then dealing with jet lag, plus being on gig-time while I am there, as I would be helping out and enjoying a very special sold out gig of a very special friend’s…and not have much time to do anything else. Combine that with not having a hope of recovering with a day of sleep when I get home (re: Derek) and  the eco footprint of such a long flight for such a short time, plus United screwed up the schedule and is sending me both there AND back on different flights with different layovers in different cities than I booked with…

I’m still struggling to decide. I know what my gut says, and usually my gut is the “GO GIRL, GO!” type and this time…it’s whispering something else instead of that.

I have a little more time to think on it. Either way, I win, and either way, I lose.

Anyway. I have to get in glass/demo/informal lecture mode now, to teach some folks tomorrow about how fun working with molten glass is!

p.s. BT has a new album coming out! Makes the BT/Dolby tour seem so far away, yet the days on the bus just like yesterday all at the same time. I am very much looking forward to it.

Sorry, sorry, haven’t posted in this journal for a bit.
We are all fine here, everything’s fine…how are you?

Last week we went to Breitenbush and soaked in hot springs and slept in tents and hiked and drank fabulous filtered water from the nearby river. It was excellent.

This morning DLJ put the final waterproof seal on our back deck…a couple weekends ago he and my Dad sanded and re-stained it. It looks great and this was one of our 3 projects for the summer to complete, and the biggest one. The other two, one is almost done, that was repainting the bathroom. That is complete, I just need to repaint the cabinet and put on the new glass knobs I made myself for it. And the last one is repainting the front door, which is not done at all, but luckily is a one day job.

Derek turned two last week, and had a fine party and fun with friends and family. It moves so fast. I am glad he still nurses with me, loves to nurse and snuggle in the mornings and late afternoons, and still sleeps in his crib. He has his whole life to grow up, and I’m very content with him taking his own time with things. I can’t believe how fast it goes and it will only go faster, so each stage is precious and well-loved.

I’m at a cafe, and need to be writing instead of blathering here, so I will end for now. All is well. I hope all is well with you, too.

Sorry, sorry, haven’t posted in this journal for a bit.
We are all fine here, everything’s fine…how are you?

Last week we went to Breitenbush and soaked in hot springs and slept in tents and hiked and drank fabulous filtered water from the nearby river. It was excellent.

This morning DLJ put the final waterproof seal on our back deck…a couple weekends ago he and my Dad sanded and re-stained it. It looks great and this was one of our 3 projects for the summer to complete, and the biggest one. The other two, one is almost done, that was repainting the bathroom. That is complete, I just need to repaint the cabinet and put on the new glass knobs I made myself for it. And the last one is repainting the front door, which is not done at all, but luckily is a one day job.

Derek turned two last week, and had a fine party and fun with friends and family. It moves so fast. I am glad he still nurses with me, loves to nurse and snuggle in the mornings and late afternoons, and still sleeps in his crib. He has his whole life to grow up, and I’m very content with him taking his own time with things. I can’t believe how fast it goes and it will only go faster, so each stage is precious and well-loved.

I’m at a cafe, and need to be writing instead of blathering here, so I will end for now. All is well. I hope all is well with you, too.

Waving, not Drowning

Sorry, sorry, haven’t posted in this journal for a bit.
We are all fine here, everything’s fine…how are you?

Last week we went to Breitenbush and soaked in hot springs and slept in tents and hiked and drank fabulous filtered water from the nearby river. It was excellent.

This morning DLJ put the final waterproof seal on our back deck…a couple weekends ago he and my Dad sanded and re-stained it. It looks great and this was one of our 3 projects for the summer to complete, and the biggest one. The other two, one is almost done, that was repainting the bathroom. That is complete, I just need to repaint the cabinet and put on the new glass knobs I made myself for it. And the last one is repainting the front door, which is not done at all, but luckily is a one day job.

Derek turned two last week, and had a fine party and fun with friends and family. It moves so fast. I am glad he still nurses with me, loves to nurse and snuggle in the mornings and late afternoons, and still sleeps in his crib. He has his whole life to grow up, and I’m very content with him taking his own time with things. I can’t believe how fast it goes and it will only go faster, so each stage is precious and well-loved.

I’m at a cafe, and need to be writing instead of blathering here, so I will end for now. All is well. I hope all is well with you, too.

Back in the Bay Area

DLJ is here for Macworld, Derek and I came along for the ride. We took two days to drive from Portland, stopping overnight in Ashland, OR. Derek did really well for his first real road trip. Much better than I expected. He was a happy guy almost the whole time, and never really had a true crying jag about being stuck in the car so long. We took lots of breaks and let him run around a lot in rest areas.

It is always good to be back here, though I never get to see as many people or do as much as I would like. This will be especially true with Derek with me…still, I can go see parts of the city through his eyes, perhaps.

Anywhere near the BART line, at least! We have the car, too, we could go out to the avenues or the beach.

I doubt anyone local to SF still reads this, but we are here this week if you want to say hi, have the day off or want to meet up for lunch. I know I am meeting up with Halsted, and Mystarion and Ivy, and stopping by my old culinary stomping ground, the restaurant I worked at for a year for free (Palio).

Anyone have any SF kid tips? I never had to know this stuff while here. Derek is 16 months now, so still a little guy.

Neglect

Sorry. I am around, I should update more.

I’m fine, the little guy is fine, he smiles now. We are awaiting his first laugh. We went to the coast over the weekend and it worked out really well, even with the two hour drive each way.

My Mom is coming into the state for a week with her sister, and will stop by. I know she has been missing the little guy.

Time for a shower, teeth brushing, and sleeeeeeeep. He only wakes me once a night now…but it’s still 45 min to over an hour lost each night.

Preggo Brain.

If the calendar says the massage appt. is at 1:30, don’t go at 11:30 and sit around waiting.

I got to read up on my magazines for a about 15 min till I realized my mistake…I will go back in an hour to get my massage at the correct time.

Tomorrow I am meeting up with a Mom’s group, but I need to call to get the address for the event I am going to. Really should do that right after this post so I know it gets done!

Tonight is birthing class night #4. I expect to be more informed, more anticipating, and more hit with the gravity of this huge event afterwards, like I am every week.

I have a bunch of beads to send out today. Tomorrow is packing for camping, buying the perishable ingredients, and making some beads that have been ordered. I don’t think I will get to them today. Camping! Our last trip, I think, other than maybe going to the coast, which we meant to do again before my parents arrived, but we probably won’t. Still, when the heat of summer arrives, if any of it coincides with a weekend and it’s not right around due date, a weekend at the ocean will be very nice, we are fortunate to have it to escape to.
I’ve been doing my pelvic stretches to help the little guy get into position, but it’s really hard to NOT sit in the way you aren’t supposed to in these weeks. No bucket seats, which means riding in cars is not a good thing. I do sit on the exercise ball downstairs when hanging out with DLJ, and my desk chair is set so my knees are lower than my hips…but there’s nothing much I can do about the car seats. I will just try to consolidate my errands even more than I already do.

Today is Ankimo’s 11th birthday. She’s a strange cat who doesn’t like meat, canned cat food, or treats, so there isn’t much I can do on her special day other than give her lots of love…so that is what I am doing. Pets are like infants…they don’t need tons of stuff…just love and attention. =)
After the massage I will pre-make dinner for after class, and make the fruit salad to bring with me as our snack during class. I will do my pain management practice and take a quick walk, hopefully…but all of that is a lot to cram in about 2 hours. Before I leave I should get those beads in the mail, so I must sign off for now.

Late start.

The phone rang really early this morning, and we didn’t get back to sleep until after DLJ’s alarm went off. So we slept after that.:P

He’s eating breakfast and it is nice to have him around a little later than usual. By the time the garbage truck comes around, he is usually gone.

Another busy day. I have got to get inventory listed today for my show next weekend at the Portland Convention Center, the Glass Guild Exhibition. This will probably be my last show for some time, at least until maybe next spring or summer (she said optimistically). I will still be making glass when I can once the baby arrives and things get vaguely in a routine…but the first year will definitely be a slowdown and more reliant on regular customers and online sales vs. shows. I do have some beads going without me to a large show in Vegas, so that will be some nice exposure even without my being there.

So far we are keeping up with the garden, but the rain hasn’t stopped yet, that is when it gets more difficult. Our hydrangeas are just not placed correctly (thank you, previous owners) and they burn most summers at some point. I  have been moving the rest of our soil into a holding area on the front yard until we get the yard removed. I also might work on getting part of the drip system in place, so that we can get it working without the timer, at least, by the time the rains stop for the summer.

Last night we had pork spareribs finished off on the grill, I had put them in a dry rub and roasted them for 1.5 hours before DLJ got home. It was our first time doing ribs, and I think they came out really well! It wasn’t Reo’s Ribs, for sure (a good rib place nearby), but it was pretty close and a lot less $$$. =)

This weekend we are going to Tacoma to a wedding reception of one of my oldest friends, from back in the Jersey Days. Old time readers might recognize the name Horticultural Guy. Peter. He got married on a Disney cruise in the past month and is having the party now for those of us who didn’t go on the cruise with him and his lovely wife. We are staying in a B&B the one night we are up there, so that should be a little treat. Any recs. on things to do in Tacoma on a Sunday morning/early afternoon, before we go back down to Portland?